I want to walk on stilts...naked
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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