I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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