I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
