i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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