i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
