My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Its about making memories worth repressing
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
