I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
why is half of my head shaved?
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