apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
they're like a gay fantastic four
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
