Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
