Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
