I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know, be my cock's hype man.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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