When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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