I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
