his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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