once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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