Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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