Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
