Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
