Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
