just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
