is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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