I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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