YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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