soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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