You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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