Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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