tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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