Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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