I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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