I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
