Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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