In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
