how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
