I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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