I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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