just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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