no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
