Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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