I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
