if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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