I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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