If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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