just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I want is dick and wine.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
