What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
