I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
