Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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