my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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