Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
