Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize