Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
