well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
