I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
