i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have demons in me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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