I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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