I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My penis needs a shock collar
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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