Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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