4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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