oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
that may or may not have been my penis.
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