I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
