Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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