FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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