I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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