Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
