Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
