So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
