ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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