Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
