i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no you cant smoke seaweed
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
