peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
