You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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