On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
