we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
