We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
