First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
